


Twelve Months

by miltonicsimile



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I suffered writing this, M/M, One Shot, You Have Been Warned, but mostly like, verkwan, you will suffer reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:51:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miltonicsimile/pseuds/miltonicsimile
Summary: Every Sunday Hansol visits Seungkwan and brings him flowers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Time to suffer

The faded snow crunched under Hansol’s boot as he entered the park. The bare trees waved in the bitter wind, their fingers reaching at the dull pewter sky. Hansol pulled his scarf tighter, mindful of the bouquet of flowers he was carrying for Seungkwan. It was Sunday afternoon, his weekly constitution to visit the other boy, even on days when the winter wind nipped at his skin and pulled at his clothes like an insistent lover.

Joshua had suggested he stay home today. “It’s cold and supposed to snow later.” He had reasoned kindly. “You need to get some rest. Seungkwan won’t mind.”

Hansol had shaken his head. “I would.” He dressed in an extra layer before heading out, Joshua watching forlornly.

There was no one else out today visiting, the unkind weather strengthening the warm grasps of people’s homes, keeping them inside. Hansol made his way to Seungkwan who was waiting for him like he always was.

“Hey, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” Hansol greeted softly. “How are you? I miss seeing you every day.”

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard if he hadn’t seen Seungkwan everyday. Perhaps he had gotten greedy. Too used to waking every morning with Seungkwan in his bed and having him roll his eyes to the ceiling at Hansol’s bad jokes at every meal. Seungkwan had always dismissed his cheesy humour, embarrassed by association. Something Hansol had tried to do with Seungkwan’s dramatics but never managed.  

“Do you remember that day we ate all that cake?” He asked with a chuckle.

Seungkwan had paraded into the dining room one spring morning while everyone was eating breakfast. They had ogled his attire, tight dress pants, chiffon shirt, and fitted dove blazer and lemonade pink tie. His hickory hair was styled with bangs slightly to the side, a look Hansol knew was meant to look natural and effortless but was anything but.

Seungkwan had done a twirl and looked at them all. “So which one of you are going to be fake engaged to me for the day so I can try some free wedding cake samples?”

It had of course been Hansol dragged along. Seungkwan had dressed him too, always having better taste than him, saying they needed to look the part. Hansol hadn’t realized that there was a certain dress code that must be adhered to when trying wedding cakes, but Seungkwan insisted there was.

“We have to sell it,” Seungkwan said fixing Hansol’s hair outside the first bakery. Two alabaster Roman-style columns loomed either side of the storefront, and pots of freshly planted flowers stretched eagerly to spring sun. The large windows were filled with extravagantly decorated cakes. It looked posh and pretentious. “We need them to believe we’re so sickly in love with each other that we want to spend exorbitant amounts of money just to let everyone else know.”

“Just for free cake?”

“Yes Hansol, haven’t you been listening?” Seungkwan chided him, taking his hand and dragging him inside.

They ate so much cake that day. Hansol had tried cake flavours and combinations he hadn’t even know existed. Sweet but tangy white chocolate and raspberry, sensual and sexy according to Seungkwan, as he took a second bite. Lime with coconut which transported Hansol to sand beaches and palm trees when he closed his eyes, almost being able to feel the warm breeze on his skin. Seungkwan had fed him a champagne cake with rum infused custard with pink white chocolate shavings and Bavarian whipped cream that made him let out an involuntary moan of approval.

When they had finally gotten home, full of cake and high on each other’s laughter, they were exhausted. Seungkwan had climbed into his bed and rested his head on Hansol’s chest. It was then Hansol realized for the first time that he was falling in love with his best friend.

“I haven’t had cake like that since.” He reflected. It could never taste as good as it did when Seungkwan fed it to him.

“Joshua didn’t want me to come to visit you today,” Hansol confessed. “He said it was too cold but I don’t care. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I didn’t come see you.” It was an unspoken promise between them. Some things between them had always been unspoken, neither of them requiring words to know what the other wanted.

“It’s so cold out today. Nothing like that time when we were in the Sydney.” Hansol shivered as a strong gust of wind cut through him. “We took off, just the two of us to visit the Royal Botanic Gardens, remember?”

It had been their first time visiting the city, the hot Australian sun kissed his skin and had filled Hansol with a need to explore. The others had headed to the hotel pool, but he had pulled Seungkwan aside with another destination in mind.

Seungkwan had followed him blindly, with unspoken trust in Hansol as he dragged him through the city to the gardens. Hansol knew Seungkwan was apprehensive of going out into a new city. His English was mediocre at best and for someone as verbose as him, a language barrier was like dragging a ball and chain. But he hadn’t complained, simply took Hansol’s hand and followed him through the sunny streets.

The gardens were along the waterfront, green and lush, full of life. Hansol bought them ice cream to eat as they walked the path, taking in the various flora and fauna. They had stopped in front of a fountain where a small crowd had gathered to watch a street performer play on her mandolin and sing.

“She’s good.” Seungkwan had commented, nodding in appreciation.

“You’re better.”

Seungkwan smiled at him as he licked at his ice cream, quickly melting under the sun. “You should give her some money, Hansol. She’s a better singer than you and somehow you’re the one who gets to travel the world performing?”

“Hey!” Hansol exclaimed, covering his heart with his hand in mock offence. “That’s how you reply to a compliment?”

“It’s true,” Seungkwan said with a shrug and look of devilry in his eyes.

“You’re so mean to me.”

Seungkwan watched the performer, nodding his head along to the music. “You know I love you.” Hansol did know that then, but he was still unsure if Seungkwan loved him in the same manner Hansol loved him.

After a few more songs their ice creams were finished. They really should pay for listening Hansol decided. He reached behind Seungkwan and put his hand in his back pocket. It was a harder task than he had originally anticipated. His shorts were tightly fitted, hugging the curve of his ass too well for Hansol to easily slip his hand in.

“Hey!” Seungkwan had jumped away from him.

Hansol roared in laughter at his reaction. “Relax, it’s just me.”

“Oh, well I thought it was just the worst pickpocket ever.” Seungkwan began to laugh along with him. “Just a pickpocket who wanted to feel my ass.”

“Exactly. I’m not trying to pickpocket you, it’s just your butt is just amazing and I couldn’t help myself.” Hansol reached into his own pocket for change. “This is all I wanted, Boo. You said we should give her some.”

Seungkwan shook his head at him and took the money from Hansol’s hand. “We should.” He walked over and dropped it into the girl’s hat, thanking her for her performance in English.

Then he had taken Hansol’s empty hand and they had spent the next few hours exploring the rest of the gardens, appreciating the ocean breeze and vibrant scenery. It was natural. It was simple but at the same time impossibly extravagant. It was _good_. That day had been the first time they kissed. Under the shade of the massive tree neither could name, where countless others had before. It was then, with grass-stained shorts and sweat clinging to his back, that Hansol knew there was no going back.

“It was so beautiful there. But of course not as beautiful as you Boo.” He chuckled. “We’re supposed to go to Sydney again this year.” Hansol was trying to prepare himself for the trip. He had months to go still but he wasn’t sure if it would be long enough. So far preparing himself just meant remembering too much and ending up with a drink in his hand. The others disapproved but didn’t say anything.

“The first time we got right properly drunk, do you remember that Seungkwan?” He smirked, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes though. “Only after how many? six? Seven drinks? Did you finally have the courage to push me into bed and tell me how it was going to be.”

They had been seventeen, Hansol shook his head at the irony. They had been riding a post-concert high, chilled from the autumn air and had decided to celebrate and warm themselves with a few drinks. The few drinks became many drinks, and many had turned into _a lot_.

“Why are you so clingy? People will think we’re dating!” Hansol stage-whispered as Seungkwan hugged him from behind. “I know we are but you’re the one who wants it to be a secret, you moron!”

Seungkwan held him tighter. “They’re all drunk. Even if they do see, I doubt they’ll remember.”

Hansol knew Seungkwan was right. The less raucous boys had gone to bed and only the ones who were just as drunk, if not drunker than they were remained, sprawled across the living room. They were in the kitchen, slightly hidden from view.

The sun had long been set. Hues of pink had melted into orange, kissing the gold and scarlet leaves before going black. It was still beautiful, the promise of winter still far from being fulfilled.

“Kiss me,” Seungkwan commanded low in Hansol’s ear. He turned to face the other boy, the tips of their noses touching lightly. He noticed how flushed Seungkwan’s cheeks were and how his pupils were blown.

Hansol’s gaze darted to the other boys. “Are you sure, Boo?”

Seungkwan replied by wrapping his arms around Hansol’s neck and pressing their lips together. The second he did Hansol felt like the world was _right_. Nothing could be as good as the feeling of Seungkwan shamelessly kissing him, his fingers running through Hansol’s hair. He opened his mouth, deepening the kiss, savouring the soft gasp and moan escaping Seungkwan under his touch. Hansol loved the taste of Seungkwan’s kiss and the way he moved his hips into him, reassuring him that Seungkwan wanted this too. He grinded back, hands firmly gripping the other’s ass, pushing Seungkwan into him further.

“Let’s do it.” Seungkwan shivered as Hansol put his lips to his neck, nipping, kissing any exposed skin he can find.

“What?” Hansol hummed, keeping his lips along Seungkwan’s delicious skin. He smirked as the other boy let out a soft moan when he reached a sweet spot on his jawline.

“Fuck, Hansol! It!” Seungkwan pulled back and looked him in the eye. His lips were swollen red and his eyes narrowed, determined. He grabbed Hansol’s hand and dragged him down the hall to his bedroom, it’s typical nighttime occupants currently in various states of inebriation and slumber elsewhere.

Seungkwan led Hansol inside and locked the door behind him. He turned and pushed Hansol to the bed, climbing on top of him, sealing their lips together once again. Seungkwan’s kiss was hungry, demanding, and Hansol was more than willing to give into his desires. His hands travelled Seungkwan’s body, pulling on his shirt. He pulled back to remove it and Hansol discarded his own as well. Seungkwan ground his hips into him, nipping at Hansol’s bottom lip. He pulled it and let it snap back before kissing Hansol again, plunging his tongue into his mouth. Hansol became drunk on more than the alcohol. Drunk on Seungkwan. His kiss, his touch, his taste, his smell. He was dizzy with desire.

Soon Seungkwan’s hand were between his legs, and Hansol was quaking under his touch. “Listen closely Hansol,” he ordered, the determination from earlier still flashing in his eyes. “This is what’s going to happen. Are you listening?” Seungkwan squeezed him through his jeans and Hansol shook his head up and down eagerly. “You are going to fuck me, _hard_ , until we both cum and I say we can stop. Understood?”

Hansol understood quite well. Up until this point they had only used their hands and mouths, both too shy and uncertain to suggest going any further. But Hansol could take orders, especially if they were coming from Seungkwan in bed.

“Yes, Boo.” Hansol smiled up at him sinfully. He flipped them suddenly, pinning Seungkwan beneath him.

“Excellent.” Seungkwan grinned hooking his finger around Hansol’s belt loops, pulling him closer. Nothing filled Hansol with desire like knowing that Seungkwan wanted him just as much as he wanted him. Hansol kissed him roughly, hand working to undo Seungkwan’s pants.

“There’s lube in the top dresser drawer.” Seungkwan moaned.

Hansol chuckled retrieving it. “Prepared aren’t we?”

“For you to fuck me? Mentally, yes. Physically? That’s what the lube is for, Hansol.”

Hansol drenched his fingers in the liquid and slowly prepared Seungkwan. He peppered kisses along the other’s body as he worked, relishing in the sounds Seungkwan made under his touch. Hansol squeezed Seungkwan’s ass, lightly slapping it and watched it jiggle. He always had a thing for Seungkwan’s ass, rounder and plumper than it had any right to be.

“How are you doing?” Hansol teased as Seungkwan trembled, his fingers reach a certain spot.

“Ready for you to hurry up and fuck me, Hansol.” He groaned. “I’m not waiting all night.”

Hansol kneeled behind him, and slowly pressed in.

“ _Fuck_!” Seungkwan gasped.

He paused. “Good fuck or bad fuck?”

“Adjusting fuck. Keep going.” Hansol did, pleasure coursing through his body, but cautious. Seungkwan let out a low moan and Hansol slowly set a rhythm, fingers digging into his ass.

“Please, Hansol.” Seungkwan begged. “Faster.”

He obliged, the wanton sounds of skin against skin and unadulterated cries of pleasure filling the room.

“I’m so close,” Hansol had groaned, hips sporadic. He reached forward and grabbed Seungkwan, working him to his finish.

Seungkwan had shuddered and choked out a moan as he came along with Hansol. Everything cut to white noise as the shockwaves of pleasure rolled through him. He had collapsed next to Seungkwan. They were both slicked in sweat and their chests heaved as they came down.

“I love you, Boo.” He had confessed entwining their fingers.

Seungkwan gave him a lopsided grin, his eyes hooded. “I love you too.”

The window was open just a crack and a cool gust of fall air blew in, making them shiver. He had pulled Seungkwan closer to him, promising to never let go.

“We really didn’t know what we were doing back then, hey Boo? But I guess any first time is like that. Eager mouths, curious hands, messy but _so good_.” Hansol shook his head smiling. “We got better of course. So much better.”

It was the dead of winter now. The promised snow began to fall, the big fluffy flakes wetly kissing Hansol’s face. “Well, I better get going Seungkwan.” He said, voice low and thick. Hansol knelt down and set the bouquet of flowers next to all the others that were now dead and covered in frost.

He took a deep breath, tears streaking down his face like rain on a dusty window pane. “If I’m being honest Boo, nothing’s really been the same since the accident and I’ve been talking to myself lately and waiting for responses because I’m still so fucking used to you being there,” The growing lump in his throat making his voice crack. “but you’re _dead_ , Seungkwan! You’re gone. Forever. _You just left me here, alone._ ”

His fingers traced the letters carved in the cold stone slowly, trembling. _Boo Seungkwan. Gone to Join the Heavenly Choir._

Hansol pressed his forehead against the cool stone. He hated those words. There was no heavenly choir, no God, and no Heaven. God would have never taken Seungkwan from him. There was no comfort in lying to himself that there was an afterlife, that Seungkwan was happy, saved, singing even. Seungkwan was _gone_. That was it. There was nothing Hansol could do to change that, no matter how much he wished he could. He would trade places with Seungkwan in a heartbeat, to have his stop and Seungkwan’s never falter.

“I miss you so much Boo. It’s not fair. Any of it.” Hansol lamented and stood slowly. The snow was heavier now, the world around him white. There was a dull ringing in his ears, everything going static. “If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.”

He stood there in silence for a while, letting the world disappear in the falling snow. “I’ll see you next week, Seungkwan.”

Hansol began to walk home, wiping the cold tears from his face, reflecting bitterly on how terrible it is to love something that death can touch.

**Author's Note:**

> lol rip y'all i'm so sorry, i didn't use archive warnings bc i felt like it would ruin it  
> but comment and let me know what you think :)
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/checkinsbitch/)


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